Alexander Cahoon

Statement

When Alex Cahoon was a wee baby boy he did not grow hair on his head until he was 3 years old. He had a statistically large head compared to other children of his age and demographic, this massive pale dome remained completely bald until he was 3 years old. Currently Alex Cahoon suffers from early onset male pattern baldness, despite a near Herculaneum effort consisting of carefully applied gels, creams, and pills with wonderfully ironic side effects, Cahoon was bald again by 22. Alex Cahoon has had hair on his head for 19 years in total. When he was 24, Cahoon was diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease called Glaucoma. Alex Cahoon is in many ways physiologically deficient for a man of 24 years old. The Artist also suspects he is shooting blanks, and is eagerly awaiting his near inevitable erectile dysfunction. Alex Cahoon was born in America, in the period of time between the release of The Terminator and the debut of its superior sequel.

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  • When Considering the Flatness of the World One Finds no Relief